Drowning Dream
This morning I had a dream that I'm going to write down here, so it doesn't get lost in my mass of hard drives and wacky notes to myself.

I was at the Burning Man festival, and in the center of the festival was a big lake. (For anyone who goes to Burning Man, the land is called "playa" like "beach" in Spanish --  not like "pimp" in Compton. I mention this because the large body of water  in my dream doesn't exist on the actual festival property.)

I walked into the lake with my friend Anne, with whom I usually go to Burning Man. She was in costume and at that point I was not aware of my clothes - so I can't tell you what I was wearing. The lake got deeper and suddenly I could no longer float. She remained comfortably bobbing with her waist above water, but I sank very quickly, assuming this was how I would die. She attempted to help me but couldn't.

In the dream, I said the thing I always imagine myself saying, should a fatal accident befall me, "Oh, well. I guess that's how this one's going to end." I noticed I had gloves on and the surface of the water was no longer visible. I can barely remember the gloves, but they were not work gloves. Tanned? Not lace. Not even sure if they were leather. Velvet?

After a while, I noticed that I was still breathing and waited to see if that would stop - and it didn't. So I did my best to move forward, a lateral move, instead of down. Inadvertently, I must have risen because I began to see feet and as I got closer, someone pulled me up and led me safely to shore.

On shore, I went straight to our tent, which was very much like an apartment inside. I looked through my drawers and there were no costumes - only working sort of clothes, practical things. This made me sad because Burning Man is a costumey event.

Some people entered quickly to change outfits or get water - people whom I was clearly sharing the space with (not strangers, but not friends really, either). I noted that they were the sort of newbies who maybe had heard about Burning Man through a corporate memo and didn't understand the event the way that I do. That's not to say they're wrong, but maybe they rub me the wrong way. A fellow, trying to be kind, reached out to cover my slightly exposed breast.  I reminded him that we're at Burning Man, "I may just cover my nipples in gold", so not to worry. He nodded sweetly, as if taking notes in his mind.  I began thinking that the gold nipple "outfit" would be inexpensive and "easy to wear"

Just then, Anne rushed in, surprised to see me alive. She was the most radiant I have ever seen her. She looked really lovely at this moment. I hugged her and thanked her for trying. I was okay, but a bit disappointed in my lack of preparation. Costuming may sound silly, but it represents preparation for an event. Not like being naked at the bank, exactly. It's guilt of apathy, and then wishing I'd tried harder. As sleep began to clear from my mind, my last thought was about finding a costume camp, and that I would figure it out. Gold nipples and a tutu?

Upon waking, I called Anne and told her how she represents someone who has evolved a lot. She got kudos in the dream. Last year I worked really hard at Burning Man and didn't get a chance to do a single thing outside of the job. This year, I doubt I'll go, for financial reasons, and possibly because I might be busy. I also haven't been partying much - for many reasons. I guess I'm drowning but if I just keep moving forward, I'll be okay. The end of the dream was like a statement of where I've been and the idea that I have options within my reach.